What's His and What's Theirs - His Life or Theirs?
by KanzanshinoKobashitonoKekyoku
Summary: Was it his death? Was it a dream? Was it the truth? Or was it something else entirely? They don't know. All they do know is that that certain death haunts them. All they know of is not. All they know of is that his life is needed, and they can't lose it anymore. His life is what they're aiming for, they won't let it go again.
1. What Wasn't

Disclaimer: KHR's not mine, but this is my story. Edited.

* * *

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts! It hurts! IT HURTS! SOMEONE! PLEASE! IT HURTS! I CAN'T STAND IT! IT HURTS! PLEASE! STOP THE PAIN!

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A once mother sits alone by herself on the pristine white hospital bed, dressed in a white hospital gown as disbelief coursed through her veins of what had just occurred. She felt dead, her own soul had died. She thought that she would finally be happy. She thought that she could finally have at least a little of her loneliness appeased, but it seems that God can't even grant her that simple wish. She can't have it anymore. She can't have a child anymore. She's lost her only one, and she can't, nor would she even if she can, have another one. Her little angel's gone. Her little boy has died. The child that resided in her abdomen was supposed to have been born. Her little baby was supposed to have a happy life. He was supposed to have been here with her at this second, and not dead, not from the miscarriage. He should've been at least given a chance, a chance to live. But no, he wasn't even given that and she wasn't given the chance of having a child, having someone to be by her side, having her loneliness appeased.

Her husband's not here. She's all alone and has to bear this all by herself. It's only her, herself, and no one else. You see what's happening to the once cheerful brunette woman and you let the tears fall freely. She shivers and looks around, her empty brown eyes barely glancing at the spot where you're standing at, completely bypassing your presence. You feel a twinge of pain in your heart, but you squashed it down right away. You can't allow that feeling to grow, for what you have taken and what you've destroyed, you can't have the relief of feeling anything. You can wish for it all you want, but nothing will come out of it, for it's only for you. You have to understand, that what you've taken, even if it's for their own good, has a large price that needs to be paid. You have to understand what you've caused. It's not only this woman that you've killed off.

* * *

The boy continues to sob in his sleep, pleading to be spared from the pain he felt. He was in Hell, its blue and green fire from the bottom of its depths consuming him up and breaking him into complete and utter pieces. He's lost in that realm, unable to find an escape route. You were once able to give him a chance, yourself a chance. You could've taken him from there, but you didn't. There were many things that you could've given instead of taken, but you chose another path and the light that was supposed to be, isn't. It just isn't. Now he thinks about the light of which should've been, of what could've been. He wants his light back, he wants it back desperately. He would climb through all levels of Hell, allowing the agony causing fire to lick at him if only to glimpse that light one more time. He wants to see that light again, please give him that one chance.

Somewhere else a raven sits on his own bed, leaning against the wall and allowing insomnia to plague him. There's really no reason that he finds plausible enough to sleep anyway. Or he just doesn't return to that peaceful dream and wake up to find that it's all but a dream, nothing more than that. He sits there and ponders about those happy times, now gone from his grasps. He wants it back, he yearns for those times to be back. He wants his happiness back, he wants his heart back, he wants his so-called life back, give it back to him. Please don't be selfish and take it away. Please think of the pain you caused others by doing so. Please don't save him just to kill him again. If it's to be so, it would have been better at the time when you had only let him go. Let him go, and no suffering shall have to last any longer than the needed. Let him go and he wouldn't have to linger then, for the only one that holds him had already gone. Yet, these harsh imaginations keeps him rooted. He only wants to be alleviated, but that one right was taken from him for your nonexistence and your truth that was allowed to seep to him. Please don't be the one person that he never wanted you to be. Please just give him his necessities back.

Then there's that child back in Italy. He's not even in bed, the boy of only five. He should've been home, peacefully sleeping like a child of his age should, and yet he isn't. That small boy, still so small like a babe, crouches in the dark alleyways of Italy, trying to stay inconspicuous and not be found. He doesn't want to go back. Not yet. He doesn't want to go back to that lonely place that's called home, where no warmth greets him and no parents that care for him exist. He wants to be elsewhere. The elsewhere where he could have a warm home, a loud and boisterous family, a caring yet ditsy mom, a useless but kind older brother, and last but not least a place where he belongs to. Though all of that are only unattainable dreams, imaginary figures that's not even remotely close to his reach. He wants to be stronger than this, he needs to be in order to survive in this treacherous world. But he can't be, for he's only a kid who yearns for what he can't have at all. In the end he's just a child who needs a dream, just a child who needs love, just a child who yearns to be needed, can't you return those things to him? He needs those, desperately so, please give it back?

The fourth one. He's a boy but he's not one. He stays hidden and yet he can be seen so clearly like crystal clear glass. He's a fragile boy with a fragile mind. So he has high walls up, it surrounds his whole being, protecting him from the pain outside, protecting him from the kindness that people like you might give, protecting him from the worse of the human kind who could hurt him the most; you. He avoids it so much, so quickly, and has done so for so long. It's painful to watch, and it's tearing to understand why he does so, yet nothing could've really been done. But then you went ahead and destroyed that fact. You ruined all that he had to protect him and you broke him down. You broke him to save him, and yet, in the end, you're the one to completely destroy him. Please, I beg of you, return his protection and give him what he wants back. He wants his high walls up again, he wants his being to be sheltered by those tall blockades, he wants to be kept alone and quarantined. He wants, and needs, his own little prison to survive, his own little cage that keeps him from the outside world. Please give him those, he needs them to survive and you took it. Please return it.

Now you come to a white haired boy. His hair wasn't always such a color, it was once a beautiful sleek black, but now it's just a dull white because of you. The boy you see is leaning against a light pole, a solemn look upon his normally energetic face. He's facing the ground, and gritting his teeth with his bandaged hands clenched in fists hidden in his pockets. Those extreme feelings that well up inside of his chest makes him want to cry out and just scream as loud as he can, but at the same time he can't make a single sound for the feeling of his throat being constricted prevents him from doing so. All that he could hear was a buzzing in his ears while you only hear his rough breathing in the dark night. He thinks, right now, of what could've been and what should've been. The future he experienced, the future he envies. The family he lost, and the agony that tortures him so. He wants those_ dreams,_ because it can't be true -it's not true-, to come back to him and allow him peace from the eternal confusion of his insomniac mind. You took that away also. How many more minds will you have to break? He's suppose to only be an ordinary boy who only has normal things running in his mind, albeit it being a little extreme. But you stole that, and he wants it. Please, give him it back. Give it back and spare him the agony of this feeling. The feeling of floating in the middle of nowhere but having something pull at you so strongly that you unrelentingly head towards that direction but can't because you're stuck. Stuck in this so called reality. He didn't ask for this, so just give him his damned normality back.

This here is the last one, and he has it the worse. He could hear, he could see, and he could feel. Those emotions, those sights, those sounds; they're all engraved into his mind. The phantom wails of laughter, the pitter patter of feet on the floor, and the boisterous voices wafting through the air. He was always the one to witness them. He was always the one to only look on, and not join in. Now he wishes that he could have actually participated with the crowding, wishes that he could been more involved. But now, all he lives in is but a nightmare. For he hears the voices, feels their presence, and see the events. But when he looks, all that's left is but a dream within a dream. This emptiness pains him so, this silence installs fear in his steel heart, and this unbearable grief causes him to die over and over again everyday. He has never asked for this, he has never wanted this. You were the one who showed him those and you single handedly took it apart; you broke this proud man. He wants his pride, he wants his barriers, he wants his solitude, he wants his life, but most of all, he wants you to have never appeared. For if you didn't, this wouldn't have occurred. Please, though. He doesn't really mean that. He doesn't. But you have to return what you've stolen to make him see that. He wants those things back, and you being gone isn't helping. You being nonexistent is just heart wrenching, because it tells. It tells of the lies, and the truths that can't be real. Just give it back, return it please.

* * *

You now sit alone in the big expanse of white, the small pool is now empty and you can't go back to see again, you can't go back and know more. Your knees are pulled up to your chest and your head is put in you lap. You rock your body that's but a shadow back and forth. And you think. And you wonder.

You think of what could have been.

You wonder what you could have had.

You think that something should've been done.

You wonder what's been missing.

And last but not least, you think about the lives you've taken.

So here it is, with the whole truth displayed right in front of you. Now you want to grant those people happiness. You want them to have a life. You want them to live for themselves, and not grieve for the nonexistent; because you have never been and never will be.

So you grant yourself one single wish and gave them the last hope they'll receive.


	2. What Might Be

Disclaimer: I own no characters, but keep your hands to yourselves, (haven't you ever learned that in pre-school or in kindergarten from your teachers?) this is MY story. Also, mentions or use of the characters from XXXHolic doesn't mean that I have ownership over them. It would be nice if I could have England or Watanuki though... (Sighs dramatically)

* * *

You're now floating along in this giant expanse of white, bored to death. Though really, that wouldn't be the correct thing to say since you've never really been alive so to speak. You push those thoughts away though and think, and keep thinking. How would you go ahead and grant the last wish you have in store for those people. How would you do so?

Ah, you've just remembered! There was that kind lady in black that said to go back to her when you know what you want! But you're not really sure if you want to go to her or not. She said that you'd have to pay a price if you want to have what you want... You shake your head furiously at that thought. No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that she has to take something away from you to have this wish granted. You've taken enough things away from others. It's time for you to give something back, and it's only fair for something of yours to be taken away for that to happen. So, with that mind in thought you go back to that lady.

* * *

Smoke billowed around the room, obscuring the figure that was lying leisurely on the couch-like seat who was smoking from a pipe, hence the reason for the gaseous state of the room.

"Watanuki," The woman lying down called.

A teen appeared in front of her with an exasperated expression complained, "Yuuko-san! What are you calling me for now?! I'm still not done with the dinner preparations and I gave you and Mokona enough sake to last a year already!"

The woman, now known as 'Yuuko-san', ignores the complaints thrown at her and says, "There's a customer."

Watanuki becomes sombre and nods, trying to stifle the sigh threatening to come out of his mouth while going to the front of the shop to greet the incoming customer. When the door was knocked on, he opened it but there was no one at the door. He looked down then when he felt a slight breeze brushing up his legs. What, or rather who, he saw was a white hazy figure that seemed to take on the form of a young child, but Watanuki can't really tell. He studied the figure further and determined that it was indeed in the form of a human child, but the customer seeemed to not be of the human race from what Watanuki could see. Sure, the child looked like he had fluffy wild hair and wide, innocent doe eyes that are traits similar to that of human children's but he was completely without color pigments in his skin - similar to that of an albino, but his eyes aren't red and there are shades of grey around his form. They young boy was just completely monochrome, and the edges of his figure seemed blurred, making him look like something just from a daydream; he looked like an imaginary friend young kids have.

The small child then looked up at him with wide, innocent questioning eyes when Watanuki stared for too long and that caused Watanuki's chest to swell with a warm fluffy feeling. He suddenly had the urge to just scoop the child up in his arms and cuddle him, cuddle the child who seemed to need the warmth of another person. He was about to give in to his desires when the child moved just out of his reach, seemingly like he had anticipated what Watanuki would do. Watanuki then studied the child's expression, and what he saw there he didn't like.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and just nodded at the child-like form as a form of greeting before he led him to where Yuuko usually meets her customers. He receives a timid smile in return from the small foggy form right as they reach where Yuuko is located.

"Come in," The dimensional witch speaks before Watanuki even knocks on the door and announce that he's brought the customer. The pair walks in at the invitation and while Watanuki goes to stand behind Yuuko, the hazy figure clambers up onto the chair that's set out for him.

Yuuko stares at the child as he tries to get himself settled in. When he was done she spoke up, "So you now know what it is." It was a statement, not a question.

He looks at her, a weird expression taking over his childish features before he bobs his head in affirmation. Watanuki stands there, wondering if the two had met before. Then he frowns; weren't the two supposed to be discussing the boy's wish?

Yuuko's expression is grave as she questions the boy whether he still wants to have his wish fulfilled when he has to pay a price, a heavy one, for it. His determination for the fulfillment of his wish leaks through when he nods his head furiously at her, showing that he really wants his wish to be completed. She smiles fondly at the childish action before she goes and names the price needed in order for the wish to be fulfilled. She said:

_**'For the boy who never lived**_

_**For those who've never had**_

_**And for those who could've had**_

_**And for the would have beens that have never occurred**_

_**I hereby give thou a chance to fix all that would come**_

_**But for one, it's not an easy task because the he who had never arrived will not be the he of their sky**_

_**Thou won't be a sky to them as it may be**_

_**But you shall still always have the place of a sky for them, even if they shall be the elements for another**_

_**You'll be a sky for them no matter what, including the other that they serve**_

_**The pain of being unknown shall exist**_

_**But the joy of being will overwhelm**_

_**And as it preserves, this wish granted will prove to be the last hope to give**_

_**And the price of the fulfillment of this wish will be as named above'**_

The child didn't even bother for Yuuko to completely finish her riddled words before he nodded his head without any hesitation whatsoever, and did so again when Yuuko asked him whether he really understood what the price was and what he had to pay for his wish to be fulfilled. Watanuki then wonders how the small kid even understood what Yuuko was saying, cause he sure didn't understand Yuuko's cryptical words. At that, almost like he heard Watanuki's thoughts, the child turned to Watanuki and gave him a reassuring smile, and for some reason Watanuki had the feeling that he had given those smiles many times before. Anyway, even if that smile tells him to not worry, that would just make him worry more about the child damn it!

As Yuuko granted the child's wish, he just stood atop one of Yuuko's beautiful portals that transcends time and space while holding an intricate ring in his right hand and beamed at the dimensional witch, traces of what Watanuki saw before not detectable on his now incredibly happy childish face. Then when he was slowly fading from view, the customer mouthed his thanks to both Yuuko and Watanuki with a wide smile on his face before he completely disappeared from sight.

Watanuki then turned to his employer and looked at her meaningfully, hoping that she could enlighten him as to what that was. But instead she just gazed back at him in an knowing manner, and he understood what she wanted. So he instead stated somberly his observations and feelings, "He's not alive, and never was, but he procures the sadness and wisdom of over a thousand years. He's already seen too much for a being that never was. He knows too much for someone who was never to be." Watanuki looks at Yuuko intensely and continues, "Are you sure that his wish was supposed to be granted?"

Yuuko doesn't bother to answer the boy's question nor does she question how Watanuki knows what he did, he's already been with her long enough and has honed his observation skills good enough to see things that don't need to be mentioned so he shall answer his own question. She simply smiles at Watanuki in her usual patronizing way after knowing that her student -but she won't ever say that- is learning, but still not good enough, and demands, with a huge smile on her face, "Watanuki! Sake!"

The teenager simply groans and nods his head, too used to her antics and too tired to even reprimand her today. He just hopes that the child will be okay with the price that he has to pay, if what he has inferred is true.

* * *

It's now evening and the sun has already set for the day, preparing itself for the dawn of tomorrow. The dim moonlight from outside doesn't reach the insides of the room, being blocked out by curtains the shade of the morning sky. This causes the room, dimly lit by only one of those night lights in one corner, to be further casted into the soothing darkness of the night.

The room itself, though covered heavily by the dark, seems cozy and comfy, and seemingly specifically designed for a small child. The area is heavily furnished with a small bed with blue sheets in one corner, a shelve full of children books in another, and a trunk at the end of the bed seemed to be filled with all kinds of children toys. Stuffed animals were also sitting innocently everywhere in the room, on the made up bed, on the floor, and on the mini drawer close to the bed. A cradle can be seen put to the side, but there's no baby or child in it. Even though the place is overly decorated to fit the needs of a baby boy, the small human is nowhere to be seen.

After looking the room over, you move to the room across from it. In it is a woman who's sound asleep on her bed. She's a young brunette who looks very pretty. Pretty, not beautiful, you noted. Yet you still can't stop the warmth that bubbles up in your chest when you see her. Then you spot the large lump under the covers that's her stomach which holds the small child that was supposed to be born, the child that was supposed to be you, but a child that won't be, and you can't help but let an overwhelming amount of jealousy take over you for a second with the knowledge that you won't be loved by this motherly woman. But then you pushed that feeling back, concentrating on what you'll be doing.

You lay the ring the dimensional witch gave you on the sleeping brunette's bedside table softly, so as to not make any noise, before looking at the slumbering female once more and gently laying your hand on the bulging stomach. After making sure that the little life in there is alive you take off to elsewhere, trusting the witch to grant you your wish and that the child coming to be will be born safely into the world so that this mother who was to be yours will be okay.

After stepping back to the portal and allowing it to transfer you to your final destination, you silently give your thanks to the witch once again and complete your final task for everything to fall in place. It's time to be born now.

* * *

The small babe is laid in a cradle, seated in a room painted blue and yellow with those glow in the dark stickers on every surface imaginable which then creates the image of the galxy in the dark of the night. The room is pretty well furnished, and a closet could be seen just to the right of the door when you walk in. Then there's also a mini bed in one corner that's already overflowed with toys and stuffed animals that the parents didn't seem to be able to get a trunk for in time before it just collected and became too much. It looks this pair of parents, or parent, bought many things so that their newly born child would be accommodated very well in their home. What a loving family this would be. Or might be.

The babe in the cradle stirs a little, disturbed a bit by some kind of feeling. He blinks his eyes open blearily, wondering where he is when he doesn't recognize the room he's in. He tries to sit up, but finds out that he can't really move. He doesn't have the strength to do so. So he stays in the lying position he found himself in when he awoke. Then he thinks, and keeps on thinking, and then he realizes it. He has a body, he feels minor aches, he feels the warm fluffy blanket surrounding him, he sees not just white in his line of sight, he's breathing, a heart is beating within him, he's alive! The small baby in the crib felt like he could jump around in joy at the information, but he had to get a hold of himself because if not then he'll rock the crib and fall over and since he's unable to move fluidly in this constricted, small body he'll definitely get hurt.

Feeling a little sleepy after his sudden revelation, the young child planned to wake up tomorrow and work on his baby muscles before he would actually succumb to sleep. After all, he's finally born into the world and he wants to spend his time exploring it and having all the fun that he could. Not to mention, here the baby's breathing hitches a little and tears pool in still squinty eyes that can't really adjust to the lighting of the room since he just awoken, he has to do his best from now on so he could protect _them, _and everyone else that will be of importance to him from now on. He will have to be stronger for the trials that he will face in this short human life, but he will do everything in his power to make sure that he won't regret a single thing from his wish or decision.

Anyway, content to know that he was finally born and into the world of the humans and that he had his work set out for him from now on, the babe fell into a dreamless sleep until he was rudely awaken by a blood curling scream. A scream of his biological parents in this life. Parents that he may or may not be able to meet and know further more about in the near future. It's just sad to know that trials won't stop from coming to him just because he was just born into the relentlessly cruel world of humans.


End file.
